wanna fight?(;

What if you don’t want me? What if we don’t want the same thing anymore? I want a relationship that people get jealous of, when they say “wow, those two are still together?” When we have all those couple things like matching t-shirts, silly photo-booth pictures together, days when all we just do nothing together-and days when we go on adventures and sneak each other kisses. I want that. I want all of that and so much more. If we keep this pure love that we have now and hold onto it as comfortably as we can for as long as we can, maybe we can make it.. If that’s what you want. You want to be with me, don’t you? I questions it sometimes because you have me, but I’m not yours. Does that even make sense? I’m with you, but you’re not mine. We’re not in a relationship. Someone made you scared of that word, didn’t they? Someone hurt you, someone left you, someone made you re-think everything you ever thought about love..right? Why am I paying for the damage they gave you? What made me the one to have to fix you? Do you want to be loved?-Loved by me? I mean, it’s too late for that.. I fell already. I fell harder than I’ve ever fell for anyone and you’re not even mine. That’s what hurts me. That’s what makes me question you. I wish I could be sure that you’ll always be there, but you wont be. I wont be either. Eventually we’re going to be apart someday, aren’t we? When I go off to college and we go our separate ways. We cant make something work if there’s nothing there.. I cant come back home to see my boyfriend if I don’t have one. Do you see where I’m coming from? Do you understand? You say you have a lot to deal with right now and are waiting for things to be “perfect”. Things wont ever be perfect-especially if I’m not with you.. They wont ever be perfect to me. The one guy that I can actually see myself with for the rest of my life doesn’t even want to make me his high school sweetheart. I only have one more year left and I don’t want to regret anything. Wont it suck if I graduate and we never got the chance to be something? That would kill me inside. You’re my rock, you’re my best friend-my everything. Why wont you take me with you for the journey you’re going on? I want to take you on mine with me.. No matter what kind of problems you’re facing I promise I’ll be right by your side. That’s what proves relationships you know; the hard stuff. The kind of stuff that separates people is the same kind of stuff that keeps people together. If we can get through it all then we prove that what we have is real. But if you’re not even willing to give it a shot.. Then I guess we weren’t meant to be. That’s how I feel. I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to say this, I’m sorry you’ve kept me to yourself so long making you seem selfish. But I’m not sorry that I’ve stuck around for so long because I actually want to be here, I want to stay here forever. I try to give you space, but I just get so paranoid because I feel like you can do better and find someone else.. Then I’ll be left here all alone and feel like all the years we’ve spent together will mean nothing to you when its meant everything to me. What if that happens? How will you feel? I’m hurting just writing this.. To even think about that thought, But it crosses my mind every passing day we’re not together. Someone told me to give you space, someone told me to chill out and trust you, many have told me just to leave you, and I’ve told myself to follow my gut feeling. I admit it’s unclear and uncomfortable to put all my feelings out there like that, but I tell you everything I feel you have to know. This is how I feel. I know you might not ever read this, I know everyone else will just scroll past. But if anything I wrote this to vent out what’s running through my mind. Yet I still sit here hoping that when I post this you’ll just so happen to see I posted it and maybe take the time to read it.. So that maybe you can understand and maybe we can finally work things out; together. I love you with everything I have and I pray that what will hurt the most wont ever happen to us-that we drift apart and lose one another.. But I also pray that we can stay strong and make what we have grow into something even more strong and we can carry it out forever. Life is short. I want to live while I’m alive-especially if I have the blessing to be living it out with you.